Zombies

zombies are so scarey!! I've just noticed that a zombie is something that would absolutely scare the crap out of me. I have always known I was scared of things that were more human than creature like, and After watching Zombieland which was an amazing movie... I was thinking "I hope I would be able to laugh at the zombies like they did." But I think I would be pooping my pants, a lot.

I've been so hyper today, it makes me want to do James Bond moves...

In Windsor there is this thing called the 'Zombie Walk' It is where tons of people dress up like zombies and wonder the streets of the city... one of the reasons I love Canada of course.
But could you just picture a person from out of town that did not know about this 'walk' and seeing that? They would be pooping their pants! They would think Zombies have started to take over!

Touch base w/ life

Sometimes, I just get happy to be alive. I even get excited that, I am who I am, that this body is my own. That my life is all mine. I get upset when I hear somebody say "I have nothing..." Because they do, they have themselves... they have their life to mold. They can do what they want with it. It makes me excited to be here, I actually get all pumped about life.

Sometimes, I feel like crap though. I get down on myself for not doing enough.

Moods are so powerful, one mood can completely change your thoughts on life.

So when I am grumpy, I just remind myself I'm having a low moment. And I'll snap out of it in an hour or so...

The cool thing about life, is that every single living thing is in on it too. Were all apart of something together, we all have that in common...

Praying Mantis

Today, when Jamie came to visit me after work.... we found a bug.

it was a praying mantis and i tried to get it in a bottle but it was too long and didn't fit... it was kinda scarey. he kept watching where ever we walked by turning his head and stuff. but it was really cool that was the biggest bug i have ever seen. ever. we showed lynne and she said "oh? what?he is just a baby! he will get to be so much bigger." so I said "well i hope i never encounter one... i think id poo my pants."

Sleep

I want to know why we dream. It has nothing relevant with what I did in the previous day. So where is my brain getting this stuff?
And sleep is weird, you lay around waiting for it to happen. You don't know when it does happen and then the night feels like it was 2 seconds and then, you just wake up. When you have a hard time falling asleep, but you feel really tired, if you're so tired why isn't your body going to sleep? Why do our eyes move really fast when we fall asleep? I heard that there is a part during your sleep when your eyes start moving back and forth really fast. I thought sleep was for rest? What are our eyes looking at? Where do we go? Does our brain trick our body into believing we are somewhere else? I've also heard, that when you think about doing something, like running or tensing up your body; that your body tensing the muscles that you would use to do whatever  you are thinking of, very slightly. I heard it's because since you are thinking of it, your body cannot comprehend the difference between a thought, and actually doing it. Why is our body unable to understand the difference from a thought and actually doing it?
I wish I could go to one of those places where they like monitor brains, and sleep. So I can get all kinds of crazy answers. ugh, the brain is so creepy!!

Rethinging

At the barn yesterday, I discovered that one of the old barn members stole a bunch of stuff from the tack room. All the english saddles are gone, and my big bag of training supplies are missing. I was able to use one of her english saddles, and she lt me use her own helmet as well. So now that she left, I have to ride in a western saddle. Which I guess is not horrible for trail rides, but I'd rather have a smaller saddle that I can feel the horse more. And I do not have a helmet, so lets hope nothing stupid happens.
With this thought, I started wondering how I will do my online courses, if I don't have my training supplies, I don't have a helmet and I don't even have a saddle. So, I have to either buy that, which I was already stressing about all the money I'm going to have to use in such little time for education and medical stuff. So, maybe I should just move away and get a dorm and go to school? Maybe it would be easier.. since they would have the horses to provide me, and riding equipment. Just, if I do this, I'll need help... and I don't have that.
Seriously, why is it so hard for me to just get an education. It's like everything is getting in the way to make what I want to do harder than it already was. Am I bringing this on myself?

Jamie's Surprise

Well, for a while I thought Jamie was acting kind of funny. See he mentioned something about me having to buy something nice to wear out. And I wondered about that... Then he kept saying stuff about this weekend like "Sooo what do you think you are gunna do this weekend?" and on Sunday he told me to wear one of my nice new shirts and get dressed up, and that was weird because normally hes telling me I don't have to get all pretty. Then he got changed and got fancy too.

He took me to this Italian restaurant down town called The Cook Shop. It's this romanticy place were the lights are all dim so its dark in the place and nice food. He set the reservations a week in advance without me knowing and planned it all weeks before hand for our 1 year. We found out though that we wouldn't made very good fancy rich people because the food was top notch and we were looking for the usual chicken wings or chicken parm. but we ended up getting steak and Alfredo; which was delish!

Three Wishes

It was funny how this played out, we sat down at this table, smack dab in the middle of the place with a door right behind me with a draft at first. Looking around Jamie and I both wished we could have been seated in a more secluded area that was more quiet.... The owner of the placed walked over about 5 minutes later telling us that we were so young and cute in love. So he moved us to the best seat in the house!

Then.... There was a baby crying loudly and Jamie says "I wish the baby would stop crying.." and seriously just a few seconds after he said that. The baby just stopped.... and fell asleep.

After those two things and we had ordered our food I was looking around and noticed people with salads and bread. And I said "I didn't see salad or bread on the menu, I wish we would have gotten that.." annnd of course. About a minute later, the waiter came by and gave us salad and garlic bread on the house.

So we wished for 1 million dollers after that... and it seemed we were pushing our luck. We looked under the bread box and napkins for the money but it never came. I guess we should have wished for the 1 million the first time... since they say "I can grant three wishes!" Oh well, It was a good night.

Jamie

I was just getting out of the shower when I heard the doorbell, I peaked out the window to see who it was, and it was my Jamie!!!!!!! <3<3<3<3

He and I were talking about how if he had the car today he would stop by and say "hello" but Jamie told me last night that he was positive he wouldn't get the car today. But he knew he would have the car today, so he surprised me! I opened the door and went outside, since Lynne wasn't home I didn't want to invite him in. He scooped me up like a princess and took me to the car so I wouldn't have to walk on the gravel driveway. Today is AWESOME!!! Jamie is the cutest thing ever and I'm soo thankful that he is mine, I've never been happier in my life since I have met him.

One thing that sucked, I was all wet and had no make up on. So I felt really ugly.
Jamie just got a hair cut, I've been bugging him to get one for a month now and he got one yesterday and didn't tell me.

I freaking love him!!!!

Today, I'm going to go Visit BEAVIS!!!! <3

And tonight, Mom is picking me up and taking me to the states tomorrow for a few hours. Just to see my grandmparents, I have not gone to my grandmas house since like before last Christmas.

Today, I really hope it does not rain I want to horse back ride so bad it is absolutely insane. and when I do ride, I'm going to ask Beavis to canter for me today. I hope he does it!

I was just working out, I want to be able to see my abs, it makes me feel strong.

It is funny how small things can lift your spirit, in the morning I had an amazing cup of coffee, then I watched 3 of my favourite talk shows. Regis and Kelly, The Doctors then The View. Then came down stairs to my bed room and heard the song I WILL SURVIVE while talking to my best friend. knowing I'll be seeing Beavis today and going to see my grandparents tomorrow. I feel like I am flying!

Bucket List

bucket List

(this is not everything on my list, and i’ll add more as time goes on.)

• Train a trick horse
• build a house
• travel to ireland
• befriend an elder, that has no body else and visit them often
• learn to cook
• wright a book
• help somebody back on their feet
• take yoga classes
• when i have a stable, make a be sign over the driveway, that says the name of my barn and a quote that means something to me below it
• in my stable, i want quotes that are carved into the doors of horses stalls
• take a horse that is doomed, one that nobody believes in, one that has been so badly mistreated that it has no trust in humans, and regain their trust and respect for humans, maybe that horse will be my trick horse
• sell one of my paintings/drawings
• own a great dane
• own a friesian

Stay true list

( this is a list of things I never want to loose in myself and what I want my childern to learn. )

• Be kind to animals, care for them
• care for nature
• love always
• see good in the bad
• do what you feel is right
• help others
• be polite
• be thankful
• share your love
• share
• be creative
• be yourself
• dont give up on what makes you smile
• laugh, and smile lots
• give lots
• take time to notice whats around you
• think of others
• make others around you feel good about themselves
• have 30 minutes to yourself, think
• learn as much as you can, share your knowledge
• notice nature
• dont be afraid to admit you were wrong, and apologize
• be open minded
• notice the simple things in life, like a smile, a kind face, helping hand, somebody laughing, a thank you

I also have a lists of Quotes that I found and really liked, so whenever I feel like crap I go back and read them, and it usually makes me feel better. try it.

Remember when...

True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but, by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly…

Some Things To Remember…

(highschool) My best friend and I had a “Note book” that we would write notes in, this would make it seem to the teachers that we were taking a note or doing work, and during class change, we would hand off the book and read whatever the other person wrote and respond. We kept the books

In class, I would write all my notes in different colours. This made my notes look fun and happy, and I wouldn’t have such a hard time reading them, It helped me remember the note. So In class during a test, I would picture my whole note in its colour and the way It looked and re-read it in my head even though I didn’t have the note. It helped a lot, it meaned less studying for me.

I had a hard time getting things I wanted, Like work, co-op classes, and other certain things. And it was always linked to the fact that I had not gotten my residency yet and I was American. So now, anytime something goes wrong, or anything I can’t do something or get something they respond as “It’s because youre American…”

Whenever I get bored, I draw bubbles, small bubbles that all touched eachother. I would bubble all around my notes in class and all over things while I was on the phone, and it always turned out to be really cool. So, one day at my friends house, his room is so full of peoples comments on his walls in marker and posters you cannot see his walls, but on his bedside table on whole half of the table had nothing on it, and they were watching wrestling, so I bubbled all over his table and it looks absolutely awesome. One day, I want to do that to a a table, and see if an other art person will buy it, or maybe I’ll keep it for one of my rooms.

I used to draw my dream stable, I’d draw where I wanted my barn, how many stalls I wanted, wash racks, tack rooms, arenas, trails, where the cars will park, where my house will be, everything!

One time while riding my horse, I farted very loudly… and I think he felt it becuase he turned his head as far as he could to look at me up on his back, with his ears pricked forward at me. He looked surprised, or maybe he was thinking “I cannot believe you just did that, on my back. I should buck you off..”

Shine Clover Shine

I wan’t everyone to see the things that should be charished in life. Because no body notices a sweet smile, a kind word, a cool breeze. I wish people stopped trying to make everything go faster. Seriously, they made toothbrushes that brush for you so it takes less time. That is a ridicious. Everyone is missing what life has to offer.

I started thinking about myself too, I worry so much. And I realized, if I could get myself to calm down and just take things as they come, because at this point in my life its about waiting and researching. And I have done that, so why am I worring about everything that I won’t know untill time passes. Worry is the rust on a blade. My goal is to stop being so paraniod I cannot control everything. I became this way because of all the people in my life that pushed me to do something, do something to something that I can’t do anything about. I’m not angry at them, I also think anger kills. They just don’t think like I do, and I think a lot. No blame on them, one day I’ll be able to show people. I know what I am doing right now is right, I feel it. I feel that soon, if I keep doing what I am doing I’ll get what I wan’t I know I will and everyone that thinks I didn’t try, I didn’t do anything will be shocked to see me so well off. Nobody will ever tell me what I can and cannot do. If I broke a leg, and someone told me I could never ride, I’d prove to them there is way. The only thing that can stop someone is themselves.

Thinking about animals and training. I was thinking how so many people have so much greed. They take a baby horse, a 2 year old thoroughbred that is starting off and beat them to understand. When, they need time to think, and to learn. No body would expect a child to write before they knew the alphabet, or to read before they can write. Learning takes time, which is what life is, time. Time to learn and pass it on.

Beautifully Weird

Life is so amazing, I think about it a lot. I love all the times of happiness and even through the hard times you always gain something out of it. I love nature, and how it changes. I love animals. I love feelings and moods and all the weird stuff in life we don’t understand. It’s awesome. I think the brain is a very powerful thing, I think our brain can do anything we want it to do. It’s so powerful. And we store it in our faces, like how come we can’t get everything out of our brain if its stored in our freakin faces!! Its so powerful that when you use it a lot, it aches because it works that hard. Like, scarey!

I’m stressed, but I think once I can get a work permit, once residency comes, once I hvae a life and connnected with a routine. I should start to feel better, less paraniod.

I need to go shower, but first I need some breakfest, and of course coffee. Today, I think I’m going to draw some more stuff. I’ve been drawing more often since I have not been allowed to go visit Beavis. And all my freinds go to school and I can’t use my phone till after 9 o clock. So, I draw. :)

THIS COMING MONDAY IS MY 19TH BIRTHDAY!! everyone keeps asking me to do something fun, go to a club or bar or casino. screw the casino I don’t like the way it sounds there. If someone is going to take my money I want something awesome out of it… And, bars are expensive. And so are clubs. I just want to hangout at home. MY friends, like the ones I hungout with before I was with Jamie, I asked them to go out with me, to this resturant/bar.But they won’t they don’t like alcohol or anything and don’t want to be their if I order a beer. So, Jamies friends like the ones he hungout with before I started hanging out with them too. Are gunna hangout with me on my birthday and go with me to this lil resturant/bar place. Jamie and I go there a lot usually for tuesdays because he can order 2 pounds of chicken wings and it only costs for one pound. hahaha. idk. Jamies mom decided shes going to have a dinner for me. and make me a cake. :)

In the end

Yesterday, I went to go visit Beavis the horse. He was acting really funny the whole time I was with him. I think he could tell that I wasn’t feeling all so great, He probably could feel my dark ora around me. He was acting like, he did not want to do anything, just kept rubbing his face on me. One thing that really surprised me, while I was leading him, he would stop walking and just put his head flat on my back and stand that way, and close his eyes. Like he was going to take a nap while hiding his face in my hair. Silly boy, He was great while riding, He didn’t even need any encouragment. But he did keep pulling on the rains making me fall onto his neck. Jamie my boyfriend told me he just wanted a big hug. I love that horse so much, I dont know what I am going to do if someone wants to buy him.

I’m under a lot of stress and pain at the moment. I am really tired of talking about residency. I’m going to take it into my own hands now, I am not waiting forever to get my paperwork while everyone else that moves here from america gets theirs in a freaking year and its been 3 years for me now and soon to be 4. I guess I will just have to be making some phone calls and hopefully my mom will go to a few places with me to get some answers. Seems government people, wont do anything unless you light a flame under their asses. I need to get my wisdom teeth are as soon as possible, and I was saving for freaking school and I was going to have the money I was going to have the money. But Now I have to pay to get my teeth taken out. I’m bummed. Whatever, it would be worse. AT least i had the money to fix my teeth right!!! so im gunna stay on the bright side. ill make enough money with a work permit for next september and nothing will be in my way this time. I dont need anyones help. =]]]

Watch out for my puddles

I think too much…

I think about things that nobody will ever understand. Like, life. and Space… it bugs me so much that space. People say it goes on forever but… like NO WAYYYY forever is alot of space.. there MUST be an end, maybe it curves like earth? then what is out side of space? And why is it there? Why are their planets around in space.. and fire how come fire can be in space but nothing else can? does that make fire the ultimate element because it can like… float in space.. oh.. and about our like sheild around earth, it has holes in it and so why isnt the gravity escaping? And why isnt the spacey stuff that we cannot live in coming onto earth? UGHH I DONT KNOW!!!!!

and sleep is weird too, and so are dreams. I want to know why we cant just stop… and why do some people like me worry so much? What is up with brains they are so powerful it scares me. IT scares me to think that we have bones and a beating heart in me, some people like feeling their heart beat but when i do i get nervous…. UGH how come some people can think up things like how to make a car or something.. and people say humans are so smart, but if i was the only person to have to make cars i couldnt do it? it wouldnt happen i wouldnt think of that…. i would be content with what i had… like i wouldnt think to put shit together like that at alll so that means im not as smart as other humans… which means that we are not all smart.. like…. wtf! i wanna be smart too!! What makes one person able to do something but the other persont cant do it?

Floating Puddles

I’ve started up another blog for my aunt, she said she would be tickled for one. My computer sucks and I cannot see what layout I picked so hopefully it looks nice. All the pictures and crap on the computer are all like, little boxy pixels. Lame.

I named it Floating Puddles because my friends call me Puddles. Long story about a good night with the friends and I slipping in a mud-puddle and getting the mud all over my friends and then doing it again later in the night. Seems that I couldn’t ever get out of the puddles way. I suck.
And then Floating came about because I was thinking that a blog is sort of a bunch of thoughts. And I didn’t see my thoughts as puddles on the floor I saw my thoughts in the air, a blob in the air. So that blob can be my puddle, my floating puddle of stupidity and randomness.

I’ve been camping allot, with my friends and my boyfriend. I’ve gotten an awesome tan, first time ever! We went to a beach after a storm, and found some perfect shells. They’re big and shiney. So I took them and they are on my desk. I also took some big perfect wing feathers and they’re in a glass bowl in my room too. I like decorations, I think I got that from Grandma.

Today, I am going out to visit Beavis. I go around 5:30pm, I love getting to see him. Beavis really makes my day. He is this huge pure black Standerdbred Gelding that nobody seems to have any liking for. He works very hard for me, and respects me. So I enjoy his company.
The other thing that makes my day, well not ‘thing’ but person is Jamie. In October we will have been together for a year. Jamie and I spend allot of time together. I get annoyed when he decides its tickle torture time and he tickles me to the point where I am red and my mouth is open for laughter but nothing is coming out. ugh, that’s annoying because I can’t ever tickle him back because he is stronger than I am and just holds me down. That makes me smile thinking about it. He likes horses and dogs too, which is a bonus. He is a clean person, and a carpenter which is all awesome too.